Guidance Counseling // Ms. Charm Taylor

Mysterious is Hot, Shady is Not

You may remember the formidable Ms. Charm Taylor standing defiantly on the cover of our February issue with her bandmates in the Honorable South. This past May they released a video for their single “Beast” off their debut album I Love My Tribe. Directed by Adam Gambrel, “Beast” is a trippy, David Lynchian shocker where Ms. Charm splits her screen time between performing to a white-masked, stone-still crowd and a similarly masked agent in a nondescript interrogation room. Propelled by a hypnotic riff and a highly charged beat, Ms. Charm writhes and pleads to her spooky audiences with a voice and overall approach that crosses Lauryn Hill with Bjork. In other words, the exact kind of person we want to seek advice from! You can catch the Honorable South every last Friday of the month at the Allways Lounge and watch “Beast” at the thehonorablesouth.com.

 

I’m tired of dating boys. You know, the kind of guy who couch surfs, is in a band, doesn’t know what to do with themselves except get tattoos… problem is, that seems to be my type. What can I do to break out of always dating these losers?

Mama, we are all sick of the losers! Well, I now date a man with charming boyish ways. Let’s face it: most men need solid women to help them figure out just what to do with themselves. There’s an old proverb that says women are the neck attached to a man’s head. Still, you can have a hard time trying to guide that guy off of the bar stool you met him at. My advice is simply give good guys and the daylight a chance. I have dated these tattooed chaps and yes, most have commitment issues to boot. They change bands, women and their ideas about “serious” relationships more often than they do underwear, but they can be so hot! Let’s be for real baby, they are in fact in committed relationships with their brand of cigs, drink of choice and their dear ink artist. Your issue is not that you can’t seem to shake them, rather you are strong enough to take their shit and so it’s a challenge of sorts.

Naturally, a good ol’ a-hole can be fun enough, charming enough and have a damn good music taste. After the passion that grows out of long nights, friends who like each other as well as the “idea” of y’all together, oh the fallout! Your curse is that you, my big girl-panted warrior, can “hang”. (cry, curse, smoke and cry). My sweetie, the more you deal in this breed of male, the closer you are to that point of no return. As I write, E-40’s 1993 record “Captain Save a Hoe” echoes in my mind. I need you to know that these little boys just can’t be saved! Think about how many times you’ve been called crazy for wanting more of a man. Their mamas didn’t break em’ down, put them out of the house or tell them that their shit does in fact stink! Any guy who has too much down time during the day is suspect. You want someone who is willing to look beyond self long enough to see just how deserving you are. These guys can make great bandmates and maybe buddies, but they most definitely are not capable of being your MAN. While you wait, don’t. Don’t wait around for Mr. Man to show up. Take some time to yourself, reflect on why it is you hang around the same places looking at the same ol’ faces. Are you the one afraid of something real? Regardless, there is nothing wrong with dropping off the scene long enough to run into someone who may be doing the same, in search of…

 

I work downtown and have a crush on a girl that works in an adjacent building. It’s crazy: I can see her from across the street and she’s so beautiful, but it’s one of those “fairy tale story but creepy in real life” kind of situations. How can I meet this girl without sounding like a voyeur?

Are you a French Quarter cook? There is a guy who sits in a restaurant and watches a friend of mine on the daily. Honestly, if she looks back and smiles he’s waiting. Rest assure, creepy can be far from cute. Don’t follow her to her car, house or neighborhood grocery. There is nothing creepier than a winker, tongue flicker or eyebrow raiser. If you don’t know someone who works in the building, then my friend, there is only one solution. GROW SOME BALLS!  The last time we speculated we ended up invading Iraq on a quest for weapons of mass destruction. Your love could be that weapon! She might be dreaming of you, my man. What’s wrong with approaching her in a non-creepy way (i.e., “hi my name is”)? Please, whatever you do, don’t tell her you’ve been “watching her” on some Police type ish. Mysterious is hot, but shady is not. Approach her on what appears to be her worst day by far, sans roses. Mean it when you tell her that she is beautiful, but don’t expect a response or a fairytale right away. If she’s single and you’ll know if she is or wants to be, she’ll make it a point to walk your way.

 

Should I give money to the beggars that solicit on the side of the road? There seems to be a lot of them lately. Sometimes I want to give them my ash tray change but sometimes I want to roll up my window. How do I handle it?

How often do you see dude or dudette on the side of the road? Are they young, able bodied, of sound mind? If the answer is yes, then my answer is hell no! Work sweat work bone like the rest of us. We’re doing the same dance in this life. I mean, okay, not to be too coarse, but seriously offer me something in return. Earn it! My windows are usually dirty and my tires generally low. I was once back home in St. Louis making groceries. My hands were full of bags and I’m a bit clumsy as it stands. Dude walks up and asks for money, as if I had the free hands to dig for change. He doesn’t even bother to say “Hey, I’ll take a few of those bags to your car to work for it!” It was that day that forever ruined it for the rest of em’! I am a little sweeter on vets and women with children present. I can’t even stand the self-appointed doggy sitters. Maybe it’s the human supremacy complex at work that says even in my lowest moment I shall own? They leash dogs, who could possibly be adopted and properly cared for, in order to solicit sympathy. The best thing you can offer a beggar is leftovers, a smile as human acknowledgment and the classifieds.